This morning at Seedlings I bit a tree. I bit the tree branch for a few minutes, and it didn’t taste good.
Our Little Climbing Tree
Generally speaking biting is not something we model, especially in the two-and-a-half to six age range. However, this morning biting the tree was my ace in the hole when climbers in our tree were stuck yelling at each other.
There are times when you are caring for children and you have exhausted calming techniques, distractions, or consolations. A great go-to is silliness. Doing something so completely out of the norm, or hinting at the possibility of mystery, can shift the mood. Sometimes when a young one is so beside themselves, all they need is to see something strange to change the dance and bring them back down to earth. This is where a tree might experience biting. Here are some of the things that work for me. Use them as a starting place for your own silliness.
- Cup your hands and pretend there’s something very small and precious inside. Whisper to it, shake it, peek at it, offer a peek to the children, then quickly let it go and say, “Oh no! It got away!”
- Use the surroundings. If the conflict is happening on the monkey bars, start monkeying. If you’re near a tree pick some of the leaves and use them as jewelry.
- Jump up and try to catch a cloud.
- Bust out your favorite yoga pose.
- Make a quick silly face then hide your face in your hands… repeat.
“A little nonsense now and then, cherished by the wisest men.” – W. Wonka
© Jonathan Iris-Wilbanks and Sunflower Creative Arts, 2011
Photos © Haidor Truu and Sunflower Creative Arts, 2011
Generally, I love and agree with your blog posts and the approach Sunflower takes to communicating with, and educating children, however, this is one post I take strong exception to. I agree that “a little nonsense” and playfulness can be wonderful, and I love the ideas you put forth for playful ways for adults to engage with children, but I believe that there is a time and
a place for such playfulness, and that time and place IS NOT when children are involved in struggle or conflict, or at other times when children might need guidance from adults. Aside from the fact that such playfulness gives a mixed message, and the adult may even be modeling behavior they don’t want children to engage in (biting), it’s completely disrespectful to the children involved to try to “distract” them from what I see as part of their natural learning process. Also, it can be a little dishonest for an adult to act in a playful way, when in fact, what they are feeling is uncomfortable, irritated, or just want children to stop a particular behavior. I’ve always had great success (both with individual and groups of children), with quieting myself, and simply stating, “I don’t like all this yelling.Please stop.” Children don’t need to be “tricked” into paying attention, or cooperating. When children are struggling, upset, or in conflict with others, the opportunity for learning and growth is great, if adults can stay calm, allow the expression of emotion, and guide only as much as needed to keep everyone physically safe.This can be done through moving close, and broadcasting what you see happening and hear children saying, which gives the children the safety to work things out on their terms. When adults distract, or cut short the interaction, the learning is cut short. Learning how to be in relationship with, and get along with others is serious business and one of the main tasks of early childhood.It’s true, it’s sometimes loud, and sometimes messy, and adults may be tempted to make light of it in an attempt to just stop the behavior, but I don’t think this gives children enough credit, or honors the way they learn. Why not just enjoy silliness and “nonsense” with children when that is the prevailing mood, rather than “use” it to try to change the mood ?
Thank you for taking the time to post such a thoughtful comment.
Many of the points you make in your comment are exactly how we strive to interact with the children, such as moving close and observing, followed by listening to the children’s voices and respecting the amazing learning potential of a conflict.
One of the main purposes of our blog is to share some of the tools we use at Sunflower.
At the heart of my post was a child, like many children, who was inconsolable at that moment and unable to do anything but scream. She didn’t respond to any of the usual tools that we use to restore communication and resolve conflict because she just wasn’t able to listen. The goal of my interactions with a child in that situation is to restore them to a place where they can take a breath, listen, and then communicate with the other children in order to resolve their conflict. This is a tool, when nothing else seems to be working, to change the dance.
The moment of silliness is not meant to be a distraction from the conflict resolution, but rather a tool to restore the ability for that process to occur.